Outstanding, absolutely outstanding Mr Green.........thank you!

Thanks proff,

The truth has got to be told !

I was at a tractor do at the Bath and West Showground yesterday where they had an auction, so had a good trawl round for a Lister. The only one I could find would have needed the Aveling Barford roller grinding of the bottom of it. Thinking about it, I suppose we could have used the rolls for ballast tanks on the Scopium Trawler.

We could use the rest of the Aveling Barford as the anchor for the trawler.........................

Was that the adjustable metric spanner Steve?
Why does you're boat have to be semi submersible ? I should beware of steam submarines , as I said earlier they built some in WWI (honestly, I'm not joking) & they were made to consume thier own exhaust! by that I mean the exhaust was driven into a large tank when submerged & let out when it got to the surface!! Also they had so many holes & doors in them that at least half of them sank cause someone forgot to shut the door! If you had one of these , you could frighten a sea scopium to deth!

How many sailors are going to be operating this scopium trawler, because what's worrying me now is the toilet facilities,

Will there be a large wooden bung in the bottom of the boat that they can pull out and then wee down the hole ?

Some sailors might be posh and need a bidet...............................

These questions have got to be asked,

All details must be sorted out now at the design stage, to avoid confusion later on,

Also will urine corode the steel plates that the boat is made of ?

I've got some old Dexion angle that could be used to strengthen the hull, with some 6mm gutter bolts ( galvanised )

Has anyone any idea of a completion date for this project ?

Who are we going to get to launch it ?

I think the Queen is busy that day.....................

You could have a 'heads' in the bow , with a square channell down to the waterline on the outside of the hull.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I can now confirm that a Lister CS6/1 has been procured and a mating made in heaven with the Samuel Platt hammer. It is a truly delightful contrivance, and I was invited to take charge of the self commencer for a demonstration. With a satisfying cloud of black smoke the owner and I joined hands and danced in a circle to the rythmic pop pop pop of the engine. "That engines alright" I commented. The hammer when the pedal was depressed burst into violent life after the rain had cleared from the clutch, a wondrous site.
The owner is now starting to take orders for Sea Scopium hooks, a For Sale ad will appear when production has been mastered.


Richard, the bung in the bottom of the Scopium trawler might not be any good for weeing down but I think it will make a spectacular bidet.

Hurrah!

I saw the Samuel Platt / lister 6/1 combo last Wednesday, the owner Jonno, was having trouble with a bent "twiddler", but it's sorted out now,

I would like to see what sort of a job he makes of the sea scopium hook,

If it's anything like the "Independance" it will be a super job,

Will the scopium hook be attached to the winch cable of "Independance" ?

How much does a sea scopium weigh ? could be several tons , ( notice I didn't say Tonnes ! ) ( metric, YUK ),

Would the old Burrell road loco have enough "guts" to pull the scopium onto land ?

We could always get a Wallis Advance roller to help.

What about putting a steam crane on the scopium trawler ? could probably buy one from Preston Services.

Do we need a periscope on this semi submersible contrivance ? I have a piece of 4" pipe and a couple of wing mirrors I pinched from next doors Morris Minor.

I'd say ,having thought it over very carefully ,yes. You need to see where you're going. Also if it was only a SEMI submersible , you could have a step ladder for an intrepid member of the crew to go up & scout for signs of Sea Scopium activity.

I am flushed with pride over the success of my Lister CS6/1 powered Samuel Platt Blacksmiths hammer, it now seems logical to convert the rest of my machine tools to Lister C/S power.

I shall start by taking the Dean Smith and Grace lathe out of the shed, positioning it somewhere in the garden then removing the 20hp motor and powering it with a Lister C/S8/1 or maybe the twin cylinder version.

I am also going to remove the coolant pump and tank from the lathe and use old Lister CS sump oil as cutting fluid and coolant applied from an old oil can.

Do any of you know what would be the appropriate attire for the modern turner, sartorial elegance and health and safety being a major concern ?

Should I use these expensive new-fangled inserted carbide tips or old carbon steel planer tools?

You will all be kept informed of future developments.

Johnny

What about going to a local old codgers home and getting some of their toenail clippings,

They are probably harder and tougher than carbide !

Is anyone there............................................. ..............

Best make sure they've not been eaten by a scopium, sounds like summat you'd want to avoid in a dark alley.

One DVD later - now it all makes sense!

Cheers Carl.

I was ushered into a fellow Somerset engine owners shed last weekend to view a simply splendid Lister engine which was the 4 cylinder version of the CS6/1. It was done with great secrecy in order to shroud this perverted fascination with Diesel engines, but nevertheless well worth the risk.

I came to the conclusion that this engine was definitely alright and would make the perfect power plant for the Scopium Trawler. Indeed, I think it would produce enough power when paired with a David Brown gearbox, minus the spanners of course, for one of the crew to be able to ski behind the trawler to entice the Scopium to the surface ( geo, do you know anyone suitable?). In the meantime Hercules9068 and I could butter bread for the kangaroo in the galley whilst someone steered our intrepid way singing 'Any old Iron'.

Carl, you would be welcome to join us to keep control over the monkeys, and 00000, we'll need you for pipework, I think Hercules9068 bidet idea may be a challenge.

If any prospective crew members would like to see the prototype of the semi- submersible that we are to construct click here,
www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDBqe5PHmUU

Obviously this is of welded construction not riveted and less than nine tons in weight, we will be adding hatchways and trawling tackle for catching the Sea Scopium.

For entertainment on our long voyages we will have a harmonium rigged to an auxiliary compressor driven by the Lister CS powerplant. We were considering a television in the mess but the one we have made was too dangerous, it would kill you if you were in the same room !

Mr Beeching is to be Captain, Mr Gunn deckhand and trawl operator, Mr Green ships blacksmith Jim will be in charge of the ballast tanks and I will be stoker. As we are all semi literate we will need a crew member who is educated and can navigate, Would you like to join our expedition Mr. Byrne?

Hi John - most definitely!
Cheers Carl.

I'm so glad you put a comma after monkeys.

On second thoughts Mr Gunn should be given the rank of cabin boy, he can spend his time in the bilges looking for the golden rivet.

Steady on you boys, have been working real hard on the ship and have been onto the ministry of fisheries to find out if any licences or authorisation is needed for catching sea scopium. It turns out that it is an endangered species and all possibilities of trying to catch one will have to be put on hold. So a change to the plan and design modifications with a glass bottom being designed to fit in the semi-submarine and the full intention is to run trips watching sea scopium. A harmonium has been acquired to go in the lounge area. By the way Mr Gunn the spanners have been found in the flower board next to the outdoor piano near the back door. They were being used as exercise weights.

Can I swap jobs with Steve? I think i should be cabin boy as i've got the name for it, then you can all shout out every hour , ' ARRR JIM LAD' !!

Are any of the original Page family still living? I have tried getting an update on the brothers and sisters but I can't find anything about them, apart from the making of the original TV program and the extract below.
What happened to their land and home?

Cheers Carl.

"..The question every viewer asks is: what became of the family? Mr Page did not live long, and Peter, the eldest son, died in the 1980s. “They were all very much loved by local people. When Peter died, the whole village turned out, and a steam engine covered in flowers, and people followed it,” says Trevelyan. Nancy and Kathy moved into a council house together and did car boot sales; Jim lived on in the wood for a bit..."

I once saw a sea scrotum ......................... I found it living in a fleshy sort of bag, in a crevis at the bottom of the sea..............

Thanks for that Richard, I've just spat tea all over the laptop.

Is this thread now dead ? or............... are you all playing around with those rusty old steam engines , ( they'll never catch on ! )

and havn't got time ......................

I've just built a half size Burrell................................IT'S ALL BRAND NEW !.................no rusty old boilers for me, or jangley old gears ( I'm not mentioning Fowler ploughing engines )

I think we are all waiting for the next installment!

Cheers Carl.

I see one of the crew members is after a shaper, just the job for scopium hunting. We can mount it on the poop deck and throw it at the scopium to stun it when we see one.

Thinking about it, a poop deck on a semi submersible might be a bit of a challenge. The deck crew would have to wear gum boots and the driver would have to be careful not to submerge below the tops of them.

Why is it called a poop deck anyway?

Apparently from the French poupe and the Latin puppis - poop , the after part of a ship .

Pooping was done from the ' heads ', the overhanging part at the bow .

Come on Bob nobody likes a know it all ,about time you volunteered to join the crew on the sea scopium search vessel as may be a deck hand or tour guide with your vast knowledge of all things

Far from knowing it all , I wondered myself , looked it up in the dictionary , and shared it with those who were curious . That little word ' apparently ' was there to tell you that .

I fear that I would be little use on your expedition , the sea scares me shitless , and I am allergic to scopium . There was a nice 12/2 sold on ebay last week . You could have done with the extra power for trawling . How about a nice Kelvin KR6 ?

Ha. an old wives tale.

Good grief! We'll have non of that on the scopium trawler ! No Sir! The scopiums are allergic to it!

Who is going to scrape the POOP off the poop deck ?.....................................

Whoever is on punishment as ' The Lord of the Heads ' .

I wonder what that means in English ?

Naval slang for sanitary wallah . For ' heads ' see above . The part at the over hanging bow where you stuck your arse out and relieved yourself , incorporated with the bow chains in a square rigger . The navy still talks of ' heads ' for the shithouse . .

Look what you have started jim,if only you had looked it up yourself and then kept stub

should be stum